03

Jun

Learning “Love”

I had been in love before. It was a long time ago. 

I thought I knew what love was. Or rather what has constantly been described to me. But recent events have taught me something, I have forgotten what love is.

Love is not having a constant companions so that your Saturday nights are less boring

Love is not thinking about the person all the time

Love is not giving up on sound logic

Love is not having someone to constantly text

Love is not an unlimited channel of compliments 

Love is not spreading your legs and getting over it

Love is not giving up sound logic

 

 

Love is being with yourself. And being happy

Love is that disconnect from the din and finding that peace on a Monday

Love is knowing even without or with a few friends you will be happy 

Love is knowing when the right person comes along, you will be willing to change your priorities and you would be happy to do so 

Love is mutual respect and acceptance over passion and butterflies

 

Its time I learn Love. Again 

 

 

15 days ago Short URL Comments

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29

Apr

Delusion

(Kinda v v low. Just pouring out heart here)

You are not around. You were never around. Frankly you never will be.

You know I will do it. Leave the world for you. Leave things I love to take care of you. You choose to deny it.

Brickbats, raised voices, abuses and ridicule is all I have ever received.

Tender words fail you, comforting actions are amiss and an appreciative glance doesn’t watch me either

Yet Im a fool. An all-knowing fool willing to bear this with only one emotion – hope.

Hope of a new world. Hope of love. Hope of us. Together.

You scorn it. You mock it. I sigh. I smile. I believe even more.

They all call me delusional

What they don’t know is that this will be the only emotion you will allow me to feel about you

Hope is all I have where us is the truth

Sometimes a delusion is what is separating me from letting myself go in a dark deep hole

You are probably a lier, certainly a manipulator and definitely the most self-obsessed man I know

In my eyes, you are a lover – hurt but hopeful, selfish but passionate.

In your eyes, Im worthless, replaceable and not required

What imbalance is this? Pity it will never change.

(Anyone reading this, hug the screen or just Like the post. I could do with some comfort in my life)

50 days ago Short URL 1 Comment

Yin-Yang

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20

Apr

My Time

Hello folks, yet another weekend. Yet another rambling me.

Today was supposed to be a fun Saturday with two gentlemen friends Im very close to - chatting, chilling and generally taking stock of life.

The first one gave some excuse to not see me which I was ok with. Friend discovered him to be someplace else with other people. I find this behaviour more funny than dangerous. Ive dealt with liars and the sucky ones often make you chuckle than be angry.

The other one was going to tell me two hours in advance what time to reach. The phone call never came through. He has a reputation of not caring much hence this does disappoint me but not surprise.

While the first one was shocking and the second disappointing, the common factor was one – utter disrespect of my time.

Its 2013. No one cares about anyone but themselves first. No one has any time ever except the weekends. Weekend time is oh so precious and when people you call your own walk over it, your immediate feelings are that of betrayal and anger.

Im not going to be needy and say all excuses are null and void however when you leave someone with no prior intimitation of you cancelling you effectively are telling them their time is less or not important. You disrespect that, you disrespect the person.

It will take some time to talk to friend no 1. It wouldn’t matter with person 2. In either case, will n ot be asking them for that coffee anytime soon

58 days ago Short URL Comments

Thoughts/Uncategorized

24

Mar

Lists

You know there are these times on a random jobless (Im actually just ignoring work emails) Sunday that you decide hmm lets take stock of life. 

I did of an important part, which I can’t exactly reveal mostly because I was prompted by someone vital in my life to do so. 

The problem with taking a trip down memory lane is you are left with a certain unsure feeling about your past. Some things seemed so awesome at the time and so stupid after. Some things went bad and we cursed the world and now we are happy that’s the way they turned out. 

Im rambling here but the point Im trying to make is – your past never defines you. Half of the time during the list, I was asking myself wow was that even me? I would find it bizarre if we were the same lets say, two years down the line. Constant reinvention is a mantra. Darwinism. Of course the usual don’t lose yourself sayings apply but still. I wouldn’t want to not change. Im glad i have. Im not going to say better or worse cause it keeps oscillating to be honest. But overall Im glad.

That list has been made. Stock has been taken. Moving on

86 days ago Short URL Comments

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17

Mar

Its been a while

its been a while

Since love 

Since its sweet presence 

Since its reassuring nature 

Its been a while

Since raw lust 

Since its nature to ravage everything in its path

Since its ability to numb the mind and elixirise the rest of the senses

Its been a while 

Since stability 

Since its power to make you feel all will be right in the end 

Since its quality of ensuring you have a sound sleep

Its been a while 

Since a force so strong

That it sweeps you off your feet

That it brings you a peace like no other

But who wants all that?

Ours is a love which is violent

Gusty, destructive, carnal and all consuming

What is happiness in the mere face of that?

93 days ago Short URL 1 Comment

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10

Mar

I wonder who made love monogamous.

 

 

100 days ago Short URL 1 Comment

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24

Feb

You think Im stupid

You think Im stupid

A child

Nonsensical, irrational and least concerned about my future

 

You think Im stupid

Putting you before the world

Putting ‘we’ time before all time

 

You think Im stupid

Ignoring your clear warnings of you not being in love with me

Ignoring your clear desire to use me

 

You think Im stupid

Daydreaming of the day we can freely hold hands

And announce ‘us’ to the world

 

You think Im stupid

To dream

To love. To hope. To want

 

You think Im stupid

To hate every girl who talks to you

To hate every girl you announce you want to sleep with

 

You think Im stupid

To be ready to fight the world

To be ready to face it all

 

You think Im stupid

You are right in thinking that

To love you. To want you.

Is the worst decision I have ever made

 

You think Im stupid

Of course I am

To see through your lies and deceit doesn’t need genius

 

You think Im stupid

There is a reason there will never be us

And that reason is the best thing ever

114 days ago Short URL Comments

Yin-Yang

28

Dec

Love circa 2012

 

Love is when he answers your phone-call with ‘Bol.’ Whoever has heard of ‘Hi Baby’

Love is when you still pick up his call while you are midway into an Ian Somerhalder daydream

Love is when even on his day off he will wake up early just to make you tea.

Love is when he will put up an encouraging smile while you are delivering a crappy lecture to a 100 people because he knows that is the only thing keeping you from freezing

Love is when he doesn’t call you at 12am on your birthday because he is right beside you saying that you will always be 21.

Love is when he is your best wingman while you check out other men/women

Love is when you fight with him just because he is oh-so-sexy when he is yelling

Love is when you don’t even know where he is but will run around all over the place just to make sure he won’t break down.

Love is when he dutifully asks for your approval on the women he checks out

Love is when he lets you drive his car/ ride his bike

Love is when he lets you watch the match along with his mates

Love is when you call each other 7 times a day for the stupidest of things

Love is not saying I love you. It is saying “You know I love you naa”

 

 

172 days ago Short URL 5 Comments

Yin-Yang

11

Nov

Home

Home is where you are. Home is where us were. 

Home is where I rolled over and saw your arched back nestled on a soft pillow with your arms wrapped around our stuffed elephant, fast asleep

Home is where you woke up every morning to make me tea, mix two kinds of cereal with milk and switch on the tv

Home is where despite being on the verge of broke you lavished every last cent on me 

Home is where after a hard day you greeted with me with a smile that made all my sorrows go away

Home is where you loved me 

Home is where you treated me like I was the most beautiful girl in the world

Home is where our dreams came together

Home is no more 

There is another. An older one with other loved ones. Perfect, serene and beautiful. People, a bit flawed but the best I could ask for. But its not home if its not your face I wake up to. 

Home is no more

Today is Diwali. All I wish for is our home back. All I wish for is you. All I wish for is us. 

Please. 

219 days ago Short URL Comments

Uncategorized

06

Nov

They told me to stay away from you

They told me to stay away from you

Good advice well disregarded

A word of caution which should have been considered

Words I turned a deaf ear to

 

They told me to stay away from you

But I wanted to reach out to you

I merely had read you and seen your picture

But I felt there was an us

 

They told me to stay away from you

Everything about us was trouble

Everyday my willpower slipped away

And I was sucked into this hole called you further and further

 

They told me to stay away from you

Today I am utterly powerless

A slave to your desire

Every whim and fancy I try and fulfill

 

I neither can bring myself to crawl back out

and be the person I was before you

This fucked up thing they call love

They told me to stay away from you

 

I reached out to you to hold me

Put your arms around me and tell me we would be ok

You shouted, yelled and told me to not be emotional

They told me to stay away from you

 

They also said love comes when you least expect it

They are yet to tell me how to make it go away

 

 

 

224 days ago Short URL Comments

Yin-Yang

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